Gender Identity & Language
Hi there, thanks for taking the time to read!
Our everyday lives rely on a lot of assumptions and expectations around gender which is why I’d like to take a moment to share a bit about myself. More specifically, I want to name the fact that as someone who identifies as non-binary, I don’t feel like a woman or a man. Here are some few points I want to make about this:
I’m aware that for some people, this is new information. You can feel free to ask me more about all of this, I have plenty of online articles to share and don’t mind answering questions.
I would like to encourage you to use gender neutral pronouns (they/them) and gender neutral language when referring to me. For example: person, sibling, child, spouse.
There are many people, not just myself, who use gender neutral pronouns/language. It can be a hard habit to break, but trying not to assume someone’s gender when referring to them can be a helpful way to avoid misgendering someone.
You may notice that it is not often that I interrupt or interject myself into conversation to address when people have misgendered me. My personal experience has been that it is safest and easiest for me to support people’s learning about gender identity once they have expressed a willingness to learn and show commitment to making changes.
thanks for reading,
Michiko
FACTS ABOUT PRONOUNS
What are pronouns?
Pronouns are words used to refer to a person or place. In English, the pronouns “he” or “she” are frequently used to talk about a singular person.
Why should we talk about pronouns?
Most people are raised to believe that there are only two genders and that gender can be determined based on appearance. This involves a lot of assuming when making reference to other people, including the decision to use “he” or “she” pronouns. However, there are people who are hurt when these assumptions are made. They may not identify with “he” or “she” pronouns and would prefer something gender-neutral like “they.” They may be a trans person whom you are reading as the wrong gender.
When should we talk about pronouns?
It’s great to talk about pronouns when meeting people or when group introductions are being made. You can’t assume someone’s name without asking; the same goes for someone’s pronouns.
Can I make a joke when sharing my pronouns?
If you have been asked to participate in sharing your pronouns, it is important that you engage in the exercise with respect. For people who rely on pronoun sharing in order not to be misgendered, pronouns are a serious matter. When you don’t take sharing pronouns seriously, you are telling other people that you are unaware or unsympathetic about how painful it can be to live in a world where your identity is frequently disrespected or ignored.
What do I do if someone’s pronouns bother me?
Find someone who is educated about the issue and ask if you can talk to them—it is important for you to work through your feelings about this. In the meantime, understand that people have the right and ability to choose what gender identity and pronouns work best for them, regardless of your opinion.
What do I do if I use the wrong pronouns?
Apologize and correct yourself by using the right pronoun. This will help you learn how to use the right pronoun in the future. Your apology should not be made in a way that demands the person you misgendered to forgive you or make you feel better. (If you can, make a point to ask someone how they like that situation to be handled.)
What do I do if I don’t know the person’s pronouns?
Use their name or gender-neutral pronouns.
What do I do if someone uses the wrong pronouns for someone else when I am around?
If you know the person who is being referred to, you can ask them how they would like you to respond in those situations. But when possible, correcting the pronoun is helpful. If the person using the pronoun seems confused or resistant to the correction, consider taking time to fully explain the importance of using correct pronouns.
How do I introduce pronouns as a facilitator in a space?
Since discussions about pronouns may be new to many people, offer a brief explanation of the process. A suggested introduction would be: “When we take turns sharing our names, I want to ask each of you to also share the pronouns that you would like people to use to refer to you. For example, ‘My name is Michiko; I use they and them.’ Although we often use assumptions about gender to determine someone’s pronoun, this exercise will give us all a chance to name how we want to be addressed so we can better respect each other’s gender identities.”
In this process, people may need reminding and prompting. But it is important that all people participate, even those who are privileged enough to never have to think about stating their pronouns.